


Hoodie

by fandomarchive00



Category: Criminal Minds, Spencer Reid - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Reader-Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:08:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24552889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomarchive00/pseuds/fandomarchive00
Summary: Emmie and Spencer have been best friends forever. When they are both finally able to go to the same school, Emmie ignores Spencer in order to prove that she can pass chemistry without him. When she finally asks for his help, they both came to the same conclusion. But what if it's too late for Spencer to tell her how he feels?
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

y/n l/m was not the best in chemistry. Actually, if we looked at the numbers y/n got the worst grade in her last chemistry test. And boy did she hate herself for it. 

Don't get her wrong, y/n was smart. Give her an advanced physics problem and she can small it and less than 5 minutes. Ask her to write an essay about the downfall of Rome and she can finish it in two days. But Chemistry? God, it was her one weakness and she hated it. However much she denied she was bad at chemistry, and she could not deny it anymore.

"You finally took up my offer for tutoring?"

Spencer Reid. Her best friend since 6th grade. Well, her 6th grade. When Spencer and y/n first met Spencer was in high school and her father had suggested he help her with her pre-algebra homework. Ever since then they have been best friends. It was hard at first because even though they were the same age, they were indifferent grades, Spencer was in high school at 12, and y/n was in middle school at 12. But they made it work. y/n was Spencer's only friend, the only one that he went to when he couldn't take the bullying anymore, and the only one that knew exactly how to make him feel normal.

So when y/n made him feel normal, Spencer made her feel valued. y/n always struggled with her own intelligence, and so Spencer made it his mission to help her out with any subject that she struggled with. y/n was smart because of Spencer. y/n has never failed anything because of Spencer. He was always there for her when she struggled with homework, and he always made her that she passed.

So why did she fail now? Because she didn’t take up Spencer's help this time. And he didn't know why anymore, she always asked for his help. But this time every time he mentioned chemistry, she would get defensive. At this point in their lives, she had just entered her first year of college, and he had finished three degrees, one in chemistry. He was excited that for the first time, they were finally going to the same school So why did she not ask for his help?

What upset him the most is that not only did she not ask for his help, but she had stopped talking to him completely. He felt a continuous emptiness in his chest when Spencer felt like he was losing his best friend. He has never been so alone at college. So when he finally got the call, he felt his heart burst out of his chest.

She sighed at the other side of the line. "Hello to you to Spencer." She mused. Her voice sounded playful like it usually is, but it also sounded tired.

"Hey y/n. I missed you." Spencer admitted, his voice was small and it cracked a little bit. "I missed you too." He can tell that she didn't want to talk about it, so instead of asking her why he stopped talking to him, he moved on.

"When can I come over to help you?" y/n smiled at herself, it hurt her heart, but every time she heard his voice it was like she was hearing angels.

"Do you want to meet at the library? The one closer to my dorm?"  
"I'll meet you there at 6 then? I finish my student teaching at 5." Student teaching. y/n was glad she didn't have to hide her proud smile.  
"I'll be there."  
________________________________________________________________

Y/n has never been nervous to meet with Spencer before, but this time, she couldn't stop bouncing her knee as she waited patiently for Spencer to arrive. She knew that she needed the help, she tried other tutors just so that she didn't have to face Spencer, but so far no one has been able to help y/n as Spencer does. y/n knows that she wouldn't be able to avoid him any longer. And she also knows that Spencer is going to ask her why she has been avoiding him.

When 6 came around, Spencer appeared. Punctual as ever. She gave him a bright smile. Act normal y/n, act normal. She gestured to the desk that she reserved for both of them. It was decorated with her textbook open to the recent chapter, her highlighters organized perfectly on the desk, her notebook was open in front of her, and her homework assignments were scattered around her.

"I tried to start without you, but as you can seem, that ended up being a dead end." She joked. He laughed at her and placed his messenger bag on the seat next to him. He sat close to y/n, but he didn't know if he was allowed to sit next to her.

"Well, that’s what your proven genius best friend for, isn't it?" He rebuttals. She giggled and shoved his arm slightly.  
"Alright boy genius, work your magic and help me understand chemistry because I have no idea what I am staring at."

________________________________________________________________

A couple of hours later y/n had started understanding the material.

"God, Spence, you are a miracle worker. I have no idea how you do it." she admitted after she dropped the pen dramatically, "Do you know how many other tutors I went to, to try to understand this shit?" She paused when she noticed what she just said. She slowly looked at Spencer's face to see how he would react, but he didn't seem surprised.

"I know. I work with the tutors at the student center remember." Right. y/n sighed and laid her head down at the desk.

"I am so sorry Spencer." He just pursed his lips. "y/n, why didn't you ask for my help in the first place? You always do. It seems like you have been avoiding me this whole time." y/n just said again and finally decided to look into his eyes. God, they were still as beautiful as the first time she saw them.

"I was avoiding you because I wanted to prove everyone wrong." Spencer scrunched his eyebrows.

"What do you mean? What do you have to prove?"

"Ever since I got here people think I was only able to come here because of my connection to you." She said, "I had to prove to everyone in my class that I am smart because of me, not because of you. That's why I have been avoiding you for the last couple of months because I was trying to prove to everyone that I belong here."

"y/n, of course, you belong here, why wouldn't you think that?" y/n scoffed.

"Because I only got into such a prestigious school because of your glowing review on me and my sports scholarship! Ever since I started classes I have been barely passing, and it's humiliating because no one believes that someone as stupid as me would be best friends with the resident genius."

Spencer was shocked. He had known y/n for years and he has never once seen her so hard on herself. He licked his top lip and grabbed y/n's hand that laid on the table.

"y/n, you belong here as much as I do." y/n laughed, her face said that she didn't believe him. He squeezed her hand. "I'm serious. You didn't get into this school because of me or because of your scholarship, you were accepted because the board saw your hard work over the last four years. They observed your tenacity, your kind heart, and your ability to overcome any challenge that you face. My recommendation letter only confirmed what they already knew."

"But I only got over those challenges because of you!" she exclaimed. Spencer shook his head.

"Y/n you're smart because of your hard work to learn. I was only there to support you. You were the one who wanted to take extra classes. You didn't have to take those, but you wanted to because you knew that you can handle them."

"Yeah, well, if my best friend could be a boy genius and get three degrees by the time he turned 18 then I knew that I could at least take some other classes to catch up with him." Spencer smiled. He guided his hand to her face and softly caressed her cheek.

"You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Because I already know that you are the smartest, and kindest person that I know. And no one else matters because I am the genius with an IQ of 187." She laughed and snuggled her face into his palm.

"I missed you." She whispered. They stared at each other, there were no words exchanged between the two of them for the next two minutes. Words did not need to be exchanged. They sat there, holding each other's hands, and they both knew that they were going to be ok. 

Spencer broke their gaze to look up at the clock behind her. "Yikes, it's getting late." She turned to look at the clock too. Spencer sighed and let go of her hands.

"I have a morning lecture that I have to student teach for tomorrow, and you have morning conditioning. I should get you home."   
She nodded and started to pack up her things into her backpack. y/n tried to ignore that her heart sunk when his hands left hers. No y/n. Now is not the time.

When she was ready to leave she met Spencer at the doorway. "Ready to go Boy Genius." She announced. He offered her his arm. "Let's get you home Girl Genius."

When they left the library however she noticed the cool autumn breeze was colder. She let go of Spencer and rubbed her arms for friction. It was warmer earlier today so she didn't bring a jacket and she was wearing a short-sleeved t-shirt. Spencer noticed and reached into his messenger bag.

"Here, you should wear this." He offered her a medium-sized Caltech hoodie. She looked at it funny, but still grabbed the hoodie and put it on.

"Since when did you ever wear hoodies? All I ever since you wear is a collared shirt and vest." He laughed as she jabbed at him.

"That hoodie is given to everyone when they first join Caltech remember?" y/n nodded.

"I carry mine around with me because I knew that you always forget to bring a sweater when you get cold." y/n was grateful that the darkness could hide her blush.

"Well, you always have been my knight in shining armor. I hope you know that you are never getting this back," she mentioned. "I might even add my own stitching, my own little flare." Spencer groaned.

"You can't just kidnap my hoodie like that! It's the only one I have!" y/n laughed.

"Well tough, you said that you carried it around for me!" Spencer rolled his eyes as they were nearing her dorm building. As they approach her door, he turned to her.

"What are you even going to stitch on it?" She hummed like she was thinking.

"I'm going to put our initials. Because this is our sweater now."

Spencer examined her under the pale moonlight. How the light danced over her beautiful irises and her shined under the stars. He understood now why there were so many songs written about the beauty of the moon because y/n has never looked more beautiful then she has right there, under the moonlight.

And that's when he knew that he was in love with his best friend and that he couldn't be in love with anyone else.  
_______________________________________________________________

Spencer did everything he can to stay in contact with y/n when he enrolled in the academy. y/n was the first person to learn that Spencer was going to work for the FBI. She was also so surprised when she learned this. She was very sure that he was going to do something that would allow him to cure schizophrenia or something, but no, the BAU has been interested in him ever since he gained his second Ph.D. But when he finally had to move to Virginia to officially join Agent Hotchner's team in the BAU.

He learned that very quickly that this job takes away external relationships. They lost contacted a week ago. He always told himself that he would wait for her to make the first call, his job was too chaotic that sometimes whenever he get the free time, it would be late at night or y/n would be at work. He didn't think much of it at first, they have gone longer without contact.

However, when they looked at the new case that was presented at the round table, he had a sick feeling in his gut.

"Gracia, where was this found?" Spencer asked, pointing a piece of fabric hanging from the woods at one of the audition sights.

"This was found at the Locust Shade Park, witnesses confirmed that they saw a young woman in her early 30s running around the park just minutes after there abduction. There was also one witness that said he saw the same woman being shoved into a white van. He tried to get to her, but the van speed off and he was not able to get the license plate." Gracia noticed the green creeping up Spencer's face. "Spencer is something wrong?"

"I know who the unsub's last victim was." Spencer finally said, his voice tight. Everyone looked at him. "It's y/n."

He lifted up the photo. It was half of a ripped Caltech hoodie in Spencer's side, at the corner of the hoodie was S + (your initial) was stitched in white thread.

"This is y/n's hoodie."


	2. Chapter 2

Drip

Drip

Drop

The smell of sewer water and her own blood was the only thing that y/n can focus on.

Lights were flickering above her. In the distance the faint sound of water dripped from a rusty pipe, the water continuously hitting her face. In the silence she hung, the chains tightly wrapped around her wrist left bruises, her shoulders ached as they hung from above her.

Her stomach grumbled, the echoing bounced around the room. How long has she been in this hell hole? With no sun shining in the continuous black hole of her makeshift prison cell, there was no indication of the passing of days.

Three times.

He does everything three times.

Opens the doors three times before closing it. Tightening her chains three times. Kidnapping three times.

She hissed as the door creaked open, an unbearable amount of light spilled into the room, highlighting all of her worse fears within these walls.

Two bodies laid beside her, all hanging just like y/n was. Their dried blood caked their faces, their hair mat and tangled in the chains. She couldn’t get their screams out of her head, it was like it was replaying in her head over and over and over again.

He 'played' with them one by one. Emmie couldn't even imagine what he was doing, but she didn’t have to imagine the shrill fear every time he touched them.

Three times.

He does everything three times.

There were two bodies.

It was Emmie's turn.

She let out empty cries as the man came closer. They were empty because Emmie had no more tears to cry. Emmie was dehydrated, she was hot, and there was a stabbing pain at the back of her head where he blitz attacked her.

The only thing that keeping her grounded, the only thing given her hope that she can get out of this hell hole, is the half-torn hoodie that hung off her shoulder.

Spencer. Please find me.

________________________________________________________________

This didn't make sense to Spencer. Emmie was in California, what was she doing at Locust Shade Park? It was 3.5 miles away from his place, if Emmie was in town, she would've told him. Right? He looked up at his team members with sweat coming down his forehead.

"How do you know?" Gracia asked, hoping that for once in Spencer's life he was wrong.

Unfortunately, he wasn't.

"I gave her the same sweater when I was helping her with chemistry back in college." He choked out, "I know it's hers because she said she'd stitch our initials because she claimed it was our sweater." Spencer hadn't realized that his hand was shaking until JJ grasped his hands to steady them.

The room was radio silent. Not only where these attacks in their backyard, but it now involves a loved one.

"The unsub’s dumps the bodies in threes within three days of each kidnapping. Which means we have three days to catch this son of a bitch. There is a good chance that Emmie is still alive, so we have 2 days to find Emmie." Morgan theorized. Spencer shook his head.

"No, we're not leaving her in whatever hole he has her locked up in any longer than 24 hours. We're finding her today."

"Kid, we barely know anything about our unsub, we don’t know if we can find her that quickly." Spencer gather his paper copies and rushed to the closest board.

"I know I can, and I will." He firmly confirmed. Despite the fear that kept creeping up his throat, he clenched his jaws in determination.

"I am going to find my best friend. And I am going to find her alive."

________________________________________________________________Zap

"AH!"

Zap

"AH!"

Zap

"Please!" Emmie begs, snot and sweat dripped down her face. Her stomach was on fire as he continued to taser her. "Please stop, please, please why are you doing this!" the man just smirked at her, his rotting teeth and rancid breath masks her face, she cough at the stench.

She tried to look up at to glare at him, but her neck felt heavy and stiff. She was only able to live her eyes, which was curtained with her matted hair.

"They're going to find you, you son of a bitch!" She hissed, "You're not going to get away from this." He placed his disgusting hand to her cheek and stroked it. Once. Twice. Three times.

"You think your boyfriend Spencer is going to find you?" he mused. Emmie's blood ran cold at the mention of her best friend. Her chest started to restrain against her. No. NO, she can not be having a panic attack right now. She can not let him win.

Emmie thrashed around against her chains, she ignored the pain of her joints being pulled back.

"Don't you fucking say his name!" he cackled at her reaction.

"Spencer won't be able to find you. You're going to be stuck with me until you can't handle the pain anymore." He whispered in her ear. She sobbed in her shoulder.

"How do you know Spencer." She croaked, "How do you know me, you bastard!" She screamed. He just cackled again.

"I've been watching you for a while. You know why he'll never find you?" Emmie glared at him. "Because he doesn't even know you're in Virginia!" NO! No, Spencer knows I'm here. He must know.

"That was your mistake though, wasn't it?" the man asked, "You had every chance to let him know that you were here, but no you wanted to make it a surprise!" His hand crept closer to her mouth, dirt from his hand smeared across her face. She bites his hand and held on as long as she could. She can taste the blood run in her mouth.

"Ah fuck you bitch!" he yanked his hand away from her as he nursed it in her other palm. She spat at whatever filth entered her mouth. She wasn’t able to spit out much with the little spit she had left in her mouth.

He glared at her with fire. Her stomach sank though because she didn't successfully scare him away from her, or show any means of dominance. No, the fire in his eyes was playful.

Oh god, this sick son of a bitch actually gets off on pain. He laughed again. The cackling bounced off the walls. He continued to laugh as he yanked the mask off of his face. What did they say about being kidnapped? If they show you their face, they have no intention of letting you go?

It was his face though, that caught Emmie off guard.

"Ryan?" She asked, her voice squeaked. The shock of seeing her old classmate made her want to vomit and past out at the same time.

"I'm glad you can remember me Emmie!" he breathed out, "I thought you wouldn't be able to after the accident, my face sure doesn't look the same after all those years." The accident?

The accident! Emmie's eyes widen as far as they can when she realized what he was talking about. "I didn’t do anything to you Ryan. That accident wasn’t my fault! I even helped you!" She sobbed, "Why are you doing this to me Ryan, why?"

Ryan crouched down to her height. "Yes, you did help me. Nurse me back to health. Which is why I had to have you Emmie." He admitted.

"I love you Emmie." Emmie shivered as he got closer. "You were the kindest person to me when I got back from the hospital. They have no idea what they did to me, but you… you were the only one that cared! And now that I have you, you're the only one that will share the same pain. The same scars." he lightly kissed her cheeks with every word. "The same face."

Emmie bit her lip as she tried to forget how his cracked and scarred lips felt on her tear-streaked face. "Why the other girls Ryan. Why hurt other people when you only wanted me?"

"Because I thought I could replace you. You weren't anywhere near me, so I tried to replace you. But no girl was like you. No girl was like you, no girl was like you." He repeated. The more that he got anxious, the more he repeated things in threes.

"But now I have you!" He exclaimed, "And I will have no need for the other girls. Other girls. Other girls. They couldn't handle the pain anyways." He held her face with both of his hands. She jerked around to get out of his grasp. He didn't like that. He clenched onto her jaw to make her look him in the eye.

"I love you Emmie." He whispered.

"I love Spencer." She had mentioned to choke out.

His soft, adoring smile morphed into malice. He slapped her so hard that she swore she heard a crack. Thankfully she was able to lob her head back to look at him weakly.

"You shouldn't have said that you bitch." He seethed, "He's not down here to hear you anyways. Now I think its time for the knives. The knives. The knives."

She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head violently. "please Ryan. Please. No."

"This would hurt less if you had just stayed silent. Silent. Silent."

Slash

“Ah!”

Slash

“Please!”

Slash

Silence

________________________________________________________________

"Spencer." Spencer had stared at Emmie's picture for the last 5 minutes. He felt JJ's petite hand through the fabric of his shirt. "We're going to find her. I promise." He didn't look away from her.

“They all look like her JJ." He points to the last three victims' pictures. There were six pictures on their board. Two of them were unidentified, but Morgan noticed that their unsub kills in threes, so they were to expect three bodies in three days.

"Look, they all have the same hair, the same eyes. Even in the same height range. I should've noticed the pattern sooner." JJ shook her head.

"Spence, you didn't even know that Emmie was in town, you couldn’t have made that connect yet, you can't blame yourself for this one." Spencer didn't reply. His jaw repeatedly clenched as he squeezed every neuron in his brain to figure out any sort of leads. His eyes shifted from picture to picture over and over again until he would figure something out.

Spencer wanted to scream, he wanted to throw the damn board across the room. God, Spencer wanted to unleash an indoor hurricane within the Bureau if it meant he could figure out what the hell happened to his best friend. But he couldn't. He had to keep his cool. Somehow. If he didn't, he might put Emmie's life in danger.

He always keeps the girls for three days. Spencer just has to hope that Emmie can last long enough for him to find her.

His attention was ripped away from the board when Garcia rushed into the room. Her eyes were wide of fear, tears fell down her cheek.

"I just got a call. Three more bodies were found with the same signature. Burn marks, stab wounds, and boils on the face, all in threes. They were found in the same park that Emmie was last seen." Spencer dropped his arms, his chest was beating uncontrollably. He felt his shattering.

"It hasn’t even been three days? That doesn't make sense, why would the unsub change his m.o all of a sudden? Did they identify it’s Emmie?" Garcia tilted her head, shaking it slightly.

"I think you need to see it for yourself."

When they got to the crime scene there was a note stapled to the tree above the girls. Spencer ripped it off.

"I have what I wanted. I have what I wanted. I have what I wanted. You should've told her how you felt that night at the library. Library. Library. You could've have saved her, saved her, saved her. But now she's mine Spencer Reid. Mine. Mine."

The blood rushed through Spencer's body like a fire hose. This was a taunt.

"The son of a bitch is taunting us!" Spencer yelled as he shoved the piece of paper in JJ’s hands. She looked at him, shocked at Spencer's uses of curse words.

"Spencer, you need to calm down!" Spencer spun around and got in JJ face.

"Calm down? Calm down! He has one of the most important people in my life in his sick hands and he thinks she belongs with him! This bastard knows me, JJ! He knows Emmie!"

"Which means you can help us figure out who it is! If it's personal, then she is still alive. You need to calm down for Emmie." Spencer took a deep breath and bite his bottom lip.

"He knows about that night at the library. Which means he went to school with us."

"Do you know anyone who had a crush on Emmie?" Spencer scoffed.

"Either then me? Everyone at Caltech had a crush on Emmie, she was a star athlete and was the leader in every club that she could participate in. Everyone who knew Emmie loved her." JJ shook her head.

"You know that it doesn't take a normal person to develop this kind of obsession. Did you know anyone with OCD? Anyone who did things in threes?" Spencer wanted to hit himself until he lost his eidetic memory. What good is it if it didn’t remember that exact description before?

"Ryan Sanders. I did a couple of interviews with him due to his PTSD that was amplified because of his OCD. It happened because of a frat house tradition that went wrong. Three jocks thought it was fun to taze him, stab him, and burn him one by one. They kept going until they scarred his abdomen and then deformed his face. Said that if he survived, he would be accepted in their frat. Emmie was the one that found him bleeding out on the lawn and rode with him to the hospital. When I interviewed him I told him about Emmie. I don’t know why I told him, but he kept asking."

"Do you know where he is now?" Spencer shook his head. JJ sighed and started dialing Garcia's number.

"Are you at the crime scene? Did you find Emmie?" Garcia was too panicked to have a cute quip.

"No, we haven’t found Emmie, and we can confidently say that Emmie isn't one of the bodies. We have reason to believe that the unsub still has her. I need you to look up a Ryan Sanders. Since if he made any moves to Virginia."

"Is this our unsub?"

"Possibly."

"Ok, well about a month ago Ryan Sanders made some sudden and suspicious changes in his lifestyle. He withdrew all of his money in his bank account, quit his job, and moved within three days from California to Virginia. And I did a little digging on lovely Emmie as well just to understand what she was doing at the park. Turns out Emmie was in the process of transferring over to her company's Virginia department. She moved into her apartment that is two blocks away from Spencer's last week." Last week?

"Why didn't she tell me this?" Spencer asked out loud. JJ shook her head.

"Do you have any known addresses under Ryan Sanders' name?"

"I am insulted that you even had to ask, of course, I do. There are two properties under Ryan Sanders's name. One is in an apartment very close to Emmie's, and the other is a cabin in the woods, creepy I know, I am sending you the addresses now." Spencer lifted up his work-issued phone.

"Ok, We'll go to the cabin, send Hotch and Morgan to the apartment." Spencer rushed into the car, he has never felt so much adrenaline siphon through his body, but when he slammed the car door shut, he felt his whole body buzzing with it.

We're coming for you Emmie.

Please stay strong.

________________________________________________________________

Emmie felt her eyes flutter open. She has no idea how long she passed out. He just gets going. And going and going. There were no breaks. There were no patterns. He wasn't doing it for a pattern now. There was no rhythm or reason anymore. He just did. He no longer did everything in threes.

And she had no idea how long she can take the torture.

She could hear multiple footsteps above her, but she couldn’t make out how many they were. She tried to drown them out, thinking that it was Ryan with his friends. Does his friends know what kind of monster he is? Does his friends know that she was down there? Are they just as sick as he was? What if they were here to watch? Or worst. . . to play along.

When she heard the door opening up she started thrashing and screaming.

"No! No please! I can't take anymore please Ryan stop!" She sobbed, begged, pleaded.

Her head was rushed with confusion when she heard voices. Voices, plural. She couldn’t dichepher what was happening, but she heard a gun shot. Agonizing pain shot through her chest. In her intense pain she somehow scream with her whole body. It was the kind of scream that made your blood run cold. The pain tore through her like shattering glass. She felt her body go limb against the restraints, her shoulder almost popped out at the immense weight it was trying to hold up.

Emmie let out another ear splitting scream when she heard another gun shot go off. There was no new pain, but her ears are now ringing from the intense sound. She vaguely can hear a thud hit the floor, and a male voice yelling.

"Emmie! Emmie! It's me, it's me!" That voice. There's no way. She's dreaming. She hallucinating She must be in so much pain that her body started creating auditory hallucinations to deal with it. Her head swayed back and forth loosely like she was trying to shake her head. Although her eardrums feels like they burst, she can hear muffled noises of a female giving orders to call for a medic.

"Emmie, it's Spencer. It's me Girl Genius come on wake up. Wake up." This can't be real. Her vision was so blurry, all she can see was a blinding light and a fuzzy image of tousled brown hair.

"Spencer." She whispered. He's not real, but if she was going to die, she might as well confess to her hallucinations. "I love you."

Tired. Emmie was so tired. Her whole body ached and burned at the same time, but she couldn't feel any of her limps. She couldn’t move any one of them, even if she tried.

"Please don’t do this Emmie I need you to hang in there. Help is on the way."

"Spencer I love you."

"Please Emmie stay with me, we're almost there."

"I love you."

"I need you to keep your eyes open. I know you're tired but you have to keep your eyes open."

" I Love you."

"I love you too Emmie, please, please stay with me so I can say it again please."

She was so tired. So tired. Her heart slowed, and the room around her started to fade.

"Spencer." She croaked out. She felt someone squeeze her hand.

"What is it, Sweetheart?"

"I was going to tell you that I loved you when I surprised you at my new apartment for your birthday." Birthday?

Emmie swallowed, her throat was dry. "I was going to take you to watch a dramatic reading of Edgar Allan Poe's best poems, and then tell you that I'm moving to Virginia. That I would be closer to you." Before she can continue explaining, Emmie's body was thrown into a coughing fit. Pain racked through his body as dry coughs took over.

"Emmie, I need you to save your energy ok. We're almost to the hospital." Spencer clenched onto her hand as tightly as she could as the EMT worked on her vitals.

"Spencer, it's so dark. I'm so tired."

"I know Sweetheart, I know, but I need you to stay awake for me." She sighed and shut her eyes.

"Wake me up when we get to the hospital."Spencer's objections faded as Emmie slipped into unconsciousness.

____________________________________


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3   
y/n laid quietly in bed. She kept her eyes closed; her breaths matched the beeping of the machines surrounding her bed. She winced as the blinding ceiling light hit her eyelids. Her eyes slide around under her eyelids as if they were trying to escape the neon red. 

The first thing that y/n noticed when she gained consciousness was the noise. God, there was so much noise. The shuffling of busy feet that was muffled by glass, the beeping machine that stood at the right of her hospital bed, the intercoms constantly announcing from above her.   
y/n was in the hospital. 

As she tried to remember the moments before the darkness her heart started to quicken. Flashes of darkness and dirty speed through her mind. The constant pain. The screaming. The dull presence of water constantly hitting her face. 

y/n felt the panic cluster in her abdomen. The tension grew in her face and limbs as her mind replayed the last 24 hours. Her breathing quickened, it was rapid and shallow. She felt her body shaking against the hospital bed restraints and heard the beeping increase. 

“Doctor!” a panicked nurse yelled out into the hallway. 

“What is happening?” Spencer? 

“She’s having a panic attack we need her to calm down, she could reopen some of her stitches.” 

Her breaths were coming in gasps and her heart hammered inside my chest like a bunny jumping around a cage. y/n gasped loudly as she finally opened her eyes. The room spins and whirls as y/n suddenly gains her vision. Blurry images of people hover above her. She can hear people asking her to calm down, but she couldn’t. 

An invisible hand clasps over her throat, her ribs heaved as it tried to break through the imaginary ropes, the burning sensation from lack of oxygen brought tears to her eyes. 

“Sir you need to sit down!” Another nurse out of y/n’s line of sit demanded. 

“y/n!” Spencer. She can feel the rope loosen by just hearing his voice. 

“Spencer?” She called out, her voice sounded so hoarse and rough she didn’t recognize that it was her voice. The bigger blurry image turned around.

“Bring him over here.” Less then a second later a slim body hovered over her as he clasped her hand in his. Spencer’s other hand brushed through her hair. 

“y/n, Love, you’re safe ok, you’re in the hospital. I’m here now.” He reassured, “I need you to breathe for me ok? Breath with me.” 

y/n nodded as she tried to gain control of her emotions again. In for seven seconds. Out for five seconds. In. Out. In. Out. As she felt her body relax, she was able to blink her vision back in focus. She smiled faintly when she can finally see Spencer’s face. The beeping stabilized with her heart. 

She stared at Spencer for a good two minutes. His hair was longer now. It curled in many different directions. It looked like it still hasn’t been combed for a long time, but she still knew that if she ran her fingers through them, it would be soft to the touch. 

y/n weakly lifted her right hand to hold his face. Her thumb stroked through the rough patch of hair that grew along his face. 

“You look good with a beard.” She commented. Spencer laughed as he places his hand on top of hers. 

“You come back from the dead and the first thing you say to me is that I look good with a beard?” He joked. However, the more y/n stared at him, she could tell he wasn’t in a joking mood. His dark circles had darkened as his eyes sunk from lack of sleep. She laughed as much as she could without feeling the dull pain in her chest. 

“I died?” Spencer nodded. “You flat-lined twice. It scared the shit out of me.” The corner of y/n’s mouth turned upright. 

“Since when did Spencer Walter Reid curse?” 

“I’m serious y/n.” 

“I know.” 

They stayed in their current position for as long as they could. Constantly holding each other. Never letting each other go. y/n’s face reddened as she remembered the moments before she passed out. 

“Oh my god, I told you I loved you.” Spencer chuckled and nodded his head. “Yes, you did. You gave me a lot of surprises for the past few weeks.” 

“Few weeks!” y/n started to panic again as she tried to sit up, but a sharp pain from her abdomen stopped her. Spencer let go of her hands as he eased her back on the bed. 

“Hey, hey, I need you to stay calm down!” He instructed, “Here, I’ll adjust her bed, just sit still alright!” y/n nodded and laid back down in her bed. 

The hospital bed hummed underneath her as she started to sit upright. She watched Spencer as he brought the chair to the edge of the bed. 

“I told you I loved you.” She whispered, a hint of embarrassment. He smiled. God that smile is the prettiest thing she has ever seen. His eyes extended to his eyes and it had her heart soar.

“You did.” 

“And you told me you loved me back.” 

“I did.” 

“You know this was not how I planned to tell you.” Spencer feinted a fake gasp of shock. “You mean to tell me you did not plan to tell me you loved me on your death bed?” She giggled; this time she didn’t care about the dull pain that followed suit. Spencer squeezed her hand. 

“I mean it when I say I love you y/n. I’ve loved you for a very long time. Even when I didn’t think I was in love with you I knew that it was you that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. When everyone around me made me feel like an alien or a freak, you were the only one who truly saw me and truly loved me. It felt like I never lived a moment of my life before meeting you. I can not be me without you. I’ve fallen in love with your charm, and your kindness and your heart.” y/n felt tears flow down her cheek. 

“When I moved away from you for work, it felt like I was losing a part of me. I bought a computer and a camera just so I can skype you even though I hate technology. Falling in love with you was so easy, admitting it was so hard. I never really understood what love was until I meet you. Of course, I understood the biological break down and the chemical formula of what love felt like, but I never truly understood until now. Falling in love with you is like coming home. I see galaxies in your eyes. I was so scared when I realized that you were in danger, I couldn’t feel my heart in my chest until I found you. And I promise, until my heart stopped beating and my brain stopped gaining oxygen, I will spend the rest of my life protecting you.” 

When Spencer finished, y/n was speechless. She never thought she would ever hear him say those words. When she moved to be closer to Spencer it was due to a split-second decision, but she needed to be closer to him when she realized that Spencer was it for y/n.   
In a sick twisted way, she can understand why Ryan went insane trying to find a replacement of y/n. She tried to replace Spencer too. But no matter who she went out with, no matter who she tried to love, there was no one like Spencer. But she never thought that he would return his feelings. So, when she moved, she was content with just being closer to her best friend, because at least she would be happy with him. 

So, what she was feeling right now was beyond happiness. It was beyond bliss. She had no idea how to describe what she was feeling, and she very sure she had just discovered a new emotion, but she also knew that Spencer would be able to name exactly what she was feeling with a fancy new word that she has never heard of in her life. 

“Spencer Reid, since when were you so good at words?” She finally said, “There is no way that I can top that.” Spencer laughed and shook his head. 

“You don’t have to top them. Just love me. That’s all I need.” y/n smiled and caressed his cheek again. 

“Of course, I will love you. I will love you for the rest of my life.” y/n wanted to say more, but a nurse had to interrupt them to check on y/n’s stitches. Spencer didn’t leave the room though, he stayed by her side as the nurse lifted up her hospital gown to reveal the bruising and the wounds. 

It has been about a month since y/n was discharged from the hospital. Within one-month, y/n and Spencer grew closer together, although they never thought that, that was possible. They never left each other’s side. Spencer spent most of his days at y/n’s apartment helping her clean her wounds and making her comfortable. 

On the good days were y/n wasn’t having nightmares and felt comfortable being out in public Spencer took her out on as many dates as he could. His favorite date was when he told her to his museum. They didn’t even have to pay for the recorded tour CDs that walk you through each exhibit, Spencer was by her side the entire time telling her everything she needed to know and more. He knew that his ramblings can be annoying to some people, but y/n never once stopped him from talking. They got to the museum in the morning and they didn’t leave until ten minutes before it closed because Spencer had so much to say at each display. And during each lecture, y/n looked up at him with sparkling eyes that were filled with admiration.   
On the days that weren’t so great, they would stay inside her apartment as they went through some breathing exercises to bring the night terrors away. He was always right in front of her as he guided her through her panic attacks and held her close when they were over.

Spencer held her tightly at night as he whispered the Tell-Tell Heart to her as he guided her to a night of restful sleep, and he was there when she wakes up screaming in a cold sweat when she dreams about the basement. 

You could not tear Spencer away from her even if you forced him too. He promised to protect her, and he kept to her promise always. But they couldn’t live like this forever. They had lives to live, and jobs to work too, and even though both of their jobs were very understanding about their much-needed time off, the time has come from them to get back to the job force.

The first morning that Spencer had to get ready to head to the Bureau was a very tense morning. y/n from the bed as he dug through his closet as he prepared his go-bag. The first day back to work and he already has to go off on a case. y/n was very understanding of this of course. The world needed Spencer Reid to get rid of the monsters that hid within the crowds. But she couldn’t help but feel the vomit come up from her stomach. 

She anticipated this day every time she woke up, and y/n is not going to be the time of girl that begs her boyfriend to stay home just because she’s scared. She can’t be scared forever. But her head can’t help but stir up all the anxious thoughts once she’s left alone. 

Spencer has been anticipating this day as well, and as much as it pained him to leave her side when she needed him the most, he also had to help her get back to a sense of normalcy. So Spencer prepared for this day. 

When Spencer was done packing his go bag, y/n moved to the kitchen to prepare a quick breakfast. He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her torso gently as she watched the eggs sizzle on the pan. He breathed in the food and kissed her cheek. 

“Good morning.” He spoke softly in her neck. He knew those mornings were not y/n’s favorite thing, and it was currently 5 am, but he was grateful that she was awake to see him off. She smiled in his embrace as she continued to tend to the eggs. 

“I didn’t know when the next time you’ll get a chance to eat so I packed your lunch as well.” Spencer released his hold on her and looked at the little sandwich bag that she left on the counter. “You didn’t have to do that for me love.” y/n shrugged. “I wanted too.” 

Spencer watched her carefully as she tended the eggs. He tried not to profile her, but he couldn’t help but notice the tension that she held tightly in her muscles. Her head was low, and she was silent. Usually when she cooked there would be some kind of music playing in his kitchen. 

He bites his bottom lip as he tried to think of the best way to present his gift to her. 

“y/n, can you turn around for a second?” he asked carefully. She placed the spatula on the counter and lowered the flame on the stove. “What is it?” Spencer took a deep breath as he brought the jacket that he hid in his messenger bag out. 

It was a navy blue windbreaker with the white FBI lettering on the right top corner of the jacket. Under the lettering was S + (your initial) crudely stitched on. y/n wanted to laugh at Spencer’s attempt to stitch, but she couldn’t because she couldn’t stop herself from crying. 

“I got it a size up from what you usually wear because I know you like the sleeves hanging off of you.” He explained. She stepped closer to run her fingers through the smooth nylon fabric. 

“I know that it’s not your old CalTech hoodie. But I wanted you to have my spare FBI jacket because with this, you can feel safer while wearing it. The Spencer that gave you the Caltech hoodie wouldn’t have been able to protect you, but now that I’m an FBI Agent, you won’t ever doubt my abilities to protect you.” 

Y/n grabbed the jacket out of his hand and flung arms around Spencer’s neck. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer. She peppered the side of the face with kisses as she whispers, “I will always be safe if I’m with you.” 

y/n moves her head close to Spencer. He stood frozen from anticipation as he felt her sweat breath hit his face. Both of their breaths were shaking. “Thank you.” She said, barely louder than a whisper. 

“For what?” Spencer asked, his voice low and husky. 

“For being you,” She answered her voice wavers. The tension increased in the air between. Y/n gently leans in and kisses Spencer’s warm lips. They kiss and the world fell away. It was slow and soft, comforting in ways that words can’t. His hands travel to the back of her head as his free arm pulls her as close as possible. Her fingers ran through his neck. They were so close that she could feel the beating of his heart against her chest. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

And despite everything that has happened, y/n knew that she would be ok again. As long as she was with Spencer.


End file.
